proferidos

Sometimes I envy the people who were forced into it, because they were in the confortable position of being victms. Me? I really keep thinking that I had a choice, that it was up to me somehow... but really, it wasn't. I was coerced. He didn't rape me off only literally, he raped my trust, my inocence, my desires, he made me find pleasure in being abused, he made me part of his game. In his hands I was a fool. He didn't run after me, he made me come to him. I feel stupid and used. I'd rather had been forced. This part of me, my stolen decency, my dignity, my integrity... of it all, is what I miss the most.