proferidos

I don't know what to say. I feel like there's no words that might describe how it was and what if meant ot me, and most importantly, how I felt. I can't describe how I felt and it hurts that no one will ever know, ever undestand.

I talk a lot but I can't avoid feeling speecheless, I feel like I don't know how to communicate. Sometimes I feel like I'm not from here, then I get silent, and silence speaks out loud so I talk again.

I pretended it didn't happen. That's how I used to deal with it. But I knew, I always knew. I was never good at fooling myself as I was with others. That made me quite a good lier. I'm very honest though. My lies never reached me, I was honest to myself about my confusion, about how messed up I was somewhere hidden inside of me. I knew I didn't know shit. I still don't know, but I guess a lot.

Sometimes the silence ir really silent and I'm not sure whether I like it. I feel like taking a deep breath, or I feel like drowning. So I might scream or just shut up, I can't define what I am. I'm not that simple.

But who, deep inside their thoughts and feelings, is simple? Aren't we all speacial, different, complicated, unique beneath our covers? Or are we just ordinary, boring, mundane people, dying to be alive?