moments with oliver

All these moments with Oliver have made me realize lots of new things. You brought Oliver to me, you showed me him there, starring back in the mirror. I never thought we were so alike. I fed him every time you left me alone. I was a loner, Oliver was a loner just like me, so we made each other company.

He was the only one who heard me when I talked. He hated when I was sober, so I was never sober. I drank a glass of rum every time I was left without an answer. I liked to mix things, so I drank other stuff as well. Oliver drank a lot to. He was a good friend, always shared some sympathy, but we were still two loners.

He was for me an ear, just one, instead of two. With Oliver there was never out the other, he always listened, and he answered back. He made me realize all those things about you I never thought before, I thought so many things.

So we made a plan, and Oliver made me jump. You didn't catch me, so I failed and kept falling - sitting on my lap while I was falling, drinking wine and playing cards while I was falling, crying out my heart while I was falling, smoking cigarettes and reading books while I was falling… You see, I was falling alone, Oliver left me.

He couldn’t fall. He was already down and I was going to meet him, somewhere among the darkness, between the trees I wouldn’t see, where the wolfs cry to the moon, where I wouldn’t see the lights, in the point of no return.

Oliver would have to wait, because I wasn’t going to meet him, not just yet.

I couldn't keep on falling anymore, so I caught the elevator. Of course he was mad, he misses me. He still visits thought, but now I’m sober, so he doesn't stay long.




If I miss Oliver? Only when I’m feeling alone.

É, eu sumi, mas sumir foi a melhor coisa que poderia ter acontecido. Digo... parar de escrever aqui. Não pelo fato de parar de escrever, não é bom para de escrever, mas pelo fato de finalmente eu estar dando prioridade ao que é primordial, e não a magoinhas do passado. Pois é, eu acho que finalmente deixei de caminhar olhando para trás e finalmente investi no futuro.

Hoje eu acordei as 7 da manha, caminhei do arpoador ao fim do leblon e voltei, tomei uma água de coco, e parei pra pensar que tudo é questão de pontos de vista. Esse ano todo, em meio a todos os problemas eu sempre tive a orla a minha disposição, e seria melhor ter indo caminhar no calçadão do que ficar aqui reclamando da vida, mas chega de falar do que deveria ter sido.

Hoje eu tô feliz.